Transitions

Life is pretty fluid. If I've learned anything during 24 years of life it's that nothing stays the same. I've also learned that there are different kinds of change. Physical, emotional, and spiritual development. The usual life stages of graduation, new jobs, marriage and family. Sometimes location and relationships depending on whether a person settles in one place or decides to periodically uproot themselves. It's amazing how quickly the body and mind adapt to change--better than we'd like to believe. People move and find new friends. People fall in love after 'broken' hearts. Etc. So yes, change is normal and good, but the truth is some changes are harder than others.

At my debriefing conference last week we looked at a scale for stress indicators. Studies have determined that people who move to a culture entirely different from their own lead a dangerously high stress life. Sometimes coming back from a foreign place after a long time can produce an equally (if not higher) level of stress. I think this is largely due to the degree of change involved. You aren't just starting a new job and making new friends--you're doing it somewhere where you don't know the language or the culture and everyone looks different from you. But you go to great lengths to adapt...and then you leave. It's hard. No matter what it may look like I certainly did not go on vacation for two years.

Debriefing was a good time to be with people who understand all of this. I can't expect anyone at home(except Jared) to really understand even if they want to. So I'm doing my best to quietly grieve the loss of a country I love, friends who became family, and a job that I found a lot of meaning and purpose in. There's no need for the innocent people of Richland to be subjected to my emotional break downs.

I started working for my family's lighting business. I like to jokingly tell people that I'm bringing a new light to the world. I work in the accounting department and also help answer the phones. It's a good job and the people I work with are really fun. It's nice to have some structure, but I have to admit that it's hard to go from such a relational job to being just a voice on the phone to someone who thinks I'm an idiot even though I have a college degree and probably speak more languages than they do. Time really is money. No one cares about sharpening their interpersonal skills or speaking someone else's love language, and sadly it's not my job to teach them that. Sadly I really am just a voice that gives them what they want even if they're incredibly rude because we don't care about their manners. We want their money. For the record I firmly believe rudeness should be punished, but as a new employee I will do as I'm told. Until I'm promoted (which will never happen) let me say that receptionists are people too. Smart people. And we're busy. Your call is one of a billion we get everyday. So be nice.

Time has become a new factor for me as well. Working eight hours gives me much less time to keep up with friends and do things I enjoy. I have to fight for that time. Jared and I try to be active. We go hiking on weekends and play frisbee and basketball whenever we can. We're also looking for the best way to be involved in church. Our favorite thing, however, is just to talk to each other and to my family. I guess we still haven't gotten over how great it is to be face to face! I'm trying to find new hobbies to keep me far away from the 'work all day and crash in front of the TV' rut. A good friend of mine asked me to edit a book she wrote, and it's been really fun so far. The written word is possibly one of my favorite ethereal things and I'd love to write more myself. As time consuming as it is, I'm really thankful that my family is letting Jared and me work for them. We're excited for the opportunity to save even though most of my money is going towards gas and doctor bills. I guess some would say welcome to the real world. Well, no--more like welcome to life in a first world country full of indebted consumers with ginormous vehicles and high definition TV. America is a beautiful place but it's the polar opposite of most of the world.

So life is good and slowly coming together. It's busy and I'm functioning in it, but I don't think I've fully transitioned yet. And that's ok. I'm strangely comfortable feeling out of place. I miss India. I love it. I miss my friends. I love them too. But I also love the Midwest. I love my family. I love Jared. I love God. And all those things are right here.