We went on a little camping expedition to Chanderthal. Chanderthal literally means 'moon lake' in Hindi and it's one of my favorite places on earth. It takes forever to get there...and that's partly why I love it so much. The lake is a true oasis. You drive through miles and miles of dust and rugged mountains and sort of stumble upon it, clear jewel-like water sitting in the middle of a lunar landscape.

There's not much to do. Most of our group went hiking up to a waterfall, but I chose to stay behind and chill by the lake, reading, writing, and doing my best to enjoy the silence that is nearly impossible to find in India. At night the stars were AMAZING. Emily, Bruce, and I stayed up for a long time watching meteor showers. We tried to convince Anil aliens were landing but he didn't believe us. Then we made up stories about how they were Russian satellites full of classified information. Chanderthal would be the perfect place to hide satellites. No one would ever find them.

Emily and I were quite miserable in our little tent. I was wearing three shirts, a fleece, a heavy jacket, two pairs of socks, trekking pants, and a scarf, hat, and gloves and I still couldn't get warm. I know my friends in Delhi are about to die right now at the thought of wearing so many clothes, but yes, it's late June and we were freezing to death. We finally put my sleeping bag inside of Emily's and both crawled in it together. It was a little cramped and we didn't sleep much but I'm convinced it saved our lives :)

All in all what purpose does beauty serve in our lives? I'm convinced it's there to remind us of what lies beyond--a glimpse of what life was meant to be like and what it will be like when we're fully redeemed. Life freakin' hurts sometimes so I'm thankful that there are some things in this world that point me towards ultimate goodness.

Here are a few pictures from our adventure!












I begin another adventure tomorrow. It's actually going to be a little crazy because I'll be in six different countries in six weeks. First I'm going to Thailand, Malaysia, and Indonesia. Then it's back to India to pack up and say goodbye. On August 1st I'm headed to Africa to reunite with the lovely Abigail Mae after two very long years. Afterwards, my favorite Arab, Suzanne Adel Ammari, will welcome me back to America and we'll hang in DC for a couple of days. Then I'll have two weeks in the grand south with the most wonderful guy in the world--we'll be in the same hemisphere for the first time in over a year. And last but not least I will return to the Midwest and see all my family and friends!!!

So in the middle of all this I will try to update my blog, but the truth is I'm hoping to be close to many of you again in the near future so maybe you won't need this to know what's happening in my life. Here's to hoping...

Fearless

We're in the midst of the white invasion. More details later, but for now I'll tell you there are a LOT of white people here. And it's fun. Really really fun.

Darr is the Hindi word for fear, and it's threaded throughout the culture here. Animism itself is the belief that things have spirits and some of these spirits are good and others are bad. Life for many revolves around appeasement. Living here has made me evaluate the affect fear has on my own psyche. I don't live with the worry of a curse or a plague--or at least with the worry that it will destroy me. But to call myself fearless? No, I don't have enough faith for that. At least not yet.

"So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance." FDR's 1st inaugural address to a depressed nation is pretty sweet. Fear can cause paralysis. It can make us apathetic. It can make it look like the best thing to do is nothing. Apathy and denial might be less painful than fear, but it's no victory when you lose the ability to feel. On my nobler days I'd rather look that obstacle right in the face and choose to advance--believing that the truth will deliver. Too bad I'm not noble everyday.

For me fear is packaged a little differently than an animistic person. I don't believe that a ritual will save me, but I guess I don't believe in the enlightened uber-man's ability to conquer either. For me it's about a command of my faith. God commands His people not to fear over and over again, and when God speaks I want to listen. It's pretty simple actually. God is consistent, and I need this because I'm completely unable to wake up and shout carpe diem every morning.

So, yeah, the climate of fear in this place has taught me an invaluable amount about human weakness. I choose divine liberation.

picture interlude




I met a guy the other day who said the world is better than it's ever been. It's incrementally getting better as time goes on. He's right, but most people don't realize this since all see on TV and newspapers are things being blown into oblivion. Even so, I don't find the world's snail-like improvement very comforting. For example, in 1977, 41,000 people died each day of hunger worldwide. Ten years later that number declined to 35,000. Today it's down to 24,000 each day, three fourths being children under five. At least it's progress right? The problem is what do you tell people who are starving right now? Well, not quite as many people used to die of hunger. What about the people ten years ago? I'm sorry--you were just born at a crappy time.

I guess the question remains. How do I get my excess food to Africa?

Too Abundant to Handle?

A few days back my friend from Germany shared some things she's been learning about grace. She does a lot of humanitarian work and has pretty much given her life for the sake of others. Grace could be her middle name. Her confession, however, was that her grace could only reach a certain point. She talked about two friends who had both done terrible things she never thought they could do, and she had no idea how to approach them. The realization was that true grace, grace as it's meant to be, reaches unimaginable depths--almost too abundant to handle.

I listened with great interest to all of this. I've never been an overly legalistic or judgmental person. In fact, you could say I err in the opposite direction and sometimes favor my bleeding heart over principle when I shouldn't. But my friend made me think deeply about the whole subject of grace.

Lately I've read several articles about women in oppressive countries. A large number of women in one particular country actually light themselves on fire and try to commit suicide. They do this to escape abusive marriages that they (for the most part) were forced into. I burn with anger when I read stuff like this. Not only do I desire to see men like this severely punished...I would gladly do it myself. That's a pretty powerful feeling for someone who's largely against capital punishment (I'm sure I'll take some heat for that). Anyway, the point is that I know that my grace, like my friend's, also has limits. I have subconsciously drawn a line in my head and all grace stops there.

"It's scary to love without condition."

Indeed it is. There are certain situations where I wish grace did have conditions, but I only think that because I'm ignorant and completely blind to my own unworthiness, not to mention the power of real love. And less anyone think I want to set all the prisoners free I can assure you I do not. I stongly favor punishment, pre-emptive protection, and rehabilitation. People like the men from the articles I read should be stopped. They should bear the consequences of their actions. I want this to happen. But I don't want to hate them. It's hard for me to believe that God loves them as much as He loves me. It's too abundant for me to handle. Even so, I am thankful there is One who has no limits, who draws no lines, and who is capable of turning the most hopeless situation into something good and beautiful. Anyone who's ever lived in the third world knows that as impossible as this grace may seem to be... it is, in fact, exactly what we need.

The First Goodbye

Tonight was the first of what will be many goodbyes over the next two months. Two of our friends are moving to Kashmir so we had a party to send them off and wish them well. It was a great time of singing, dancing, and fellowship. Every now and then--amidst the chaos of my daily life--I'm struck with an overwhelming feeling of how rare and special this time has been. I love my friends here so much.

As for other news...we have some groups from America here. Some are trekking out in the mountains and others are doing various volunteer work in our community. It's been fun to hang out with everyone and share this place with them. I even played some basketball a couple days ago with the volunteers. It was team America against team India and I was the ONLY girl out there. I'd normally feel awkward but this time I didn't care because I love basketball and I never get to play. We didn't really keep score but I'm gonna go ahead and say team America won. I didn't leave unscathed, however, and I've included a picture of my jammed wrist all taped up. One of the guys said I looked like a cage fighter.







Back to tearful goodbyes... Jared and I recently talked about how so few relationships remain consistent throughout our entire lives. We're always having to say goodbye to someone and I pretty much hate it. After my college graduation I drove the entire Will Rogers Turnpike with tears running down my face. I thought it would be amazing if my college friends and I all ended up on the same street one day, but deep down I knew it would never happen. We were a passionate group and life quickly pulled us in different directions (and has been stretching us farther and farther ever since). Megan got married and became the marketing director for Giant Partners, a pretty awesome consulting firm. Melissa moved to OKC and now works for T Mobile. Abby moved to San Francisco, then to Hawaii, and finally to Africa. Suzanne got her masters in international development from Cornell and is now working for World Vision in DC. I moved to India. We're all in great places right now, but why do I still feel sad sometimes? Why do I find myself wishing I was back in West U 4 discussing with my friends what jobs we'd give each other if one of us took over the world? I think I'm a sucker for nostalgia.

Anyway, I hate goodbyes, but I can't deny that life is an adventure and continues to get more exciting with each new day. I want to keep moving forward even though it's hard. So, yeah, a lot more goodbyes in the near future for this girl and believe me--I will lament about all of them right here on this blog. For now, in the spirit of moving on, I leave you with these words penned by the brilliant Robert Frost.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

This Week In Pictures

I had visitors from America, including my parents. I'm so excited they got to see where I live and I think they really liked it in a 'nice place to come once but we don't ever want to live here' kind of way. We had a great time visiting villages and friends in the mountains, as well as some of India's landmarks. Everyone got a little sick, but it wasn't too bad. I actually had to lay down at the Taj Mahal because I thought I was going to throw up and pass out. I don't get embarassed too easily, but how do you bounce back from throwing up all over one of the wonders of the world?

I leave this country in less than two months. I love India. I feel at ease here. Maybe that's why it's time to go. It will be hard, but I guess I'm not too sad. There's something pretty wonderful waiting for me in America.