The exciting news since my last blog is that Jared and I are engaged! Lots of people have asked about how it all went down--and, well, working eight hours a day doesn't leave much time for blogging or e-mail so I apologize for the delay. Thanks for caring though!

We both really enjoy being outside and hiking so one afternoon we went to this state park about thirty minutes from my house. In all honesty I was pretty tired and didn't feel like going, but I knew how much Jared hated laying around all day so I threw on some sweatpants and we went. The leaves have just started to change here in the Ozarks and it was a gorgeous day with perfect weather. We walked around for awhile and then sat down by a spring to read and talk. After reading a chapter of The Great Divorce (I realize the irony here but the book is not about marital divorce), we started talking about a number of different things. We were both sitting on these tree branches above the water and the next thing I knew he pulled out a ring and asked me to marry him. I was completely surprised--so much so that it took me awhile to think of something to say. 'Yes' seemed too simplistic because of my great love for words, but the truth is that life's greatest moments can't really be expressed in the human language anyway, at least not fully. So I decided yes was an appropriate response, and perhaps better than any other.

I love the way it happened. It was so unexpected. He picked the ring out himself while I was in Virginia (well I think my cousin helped a little). We were outside. I was wearing sweatpants. It was perfect.

I jumped into wedding planning right away. We're both pretty simple, but when most of your friends and family live out of town even a simple wedding can get complicated. I don't really know what I'm doing. Growing up I was much more concerned with what kind of career I wanted than what my wedding would be like. Not to mention I've been living in a third world country for two years so I'm a little outdated in my style. Everyone has told me that I should do what I want to do and not worry about what anyone else thinks. So what do I want? I want things to be simple, meaningful, and fun. I want our friends and family to be there. Most of all I want to use the ceremony as a testimony of God's grace in our lives because it's only due to His unmerited favor that we're together. Everything else is pretty much secondary.

I've also realized that I don't know much about marriage. Unlike Jared most of my friends are unmarried. The few that are got married shortly before or while I was away. There's so much about me, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, that makes me feel unworthy to be in this position. At the same time it's been completely delightful to experience this side of God's love and character. When I focus on myself I only worry about failing. When I focus on God I get excited about what the future holds--a future with hope, promise, and redemption. It won't always be easy, but hopefully it will make us holier!




In other news...I've fallen prey to the fever and strep throat that has been going around Richland. I hate being sick. It's so depressing to sit at home and be unable to do anything but lay in bed and watch TV. Days of excessive TV watching are few and far between for me and now I remember why. The ability of entertainment to drive us farther and farther from reality scares me. Before I moved to India I was pretty apathetic towards all this, but now I sometimes wish we could just shut down the whole industry. There are so many people with heroic and meaningful stories to tell. Why do we give our attention to trivial talk shows, magazines about which celebs have cellulite, and stupid existential movies with meaningless plots? What happens when reality no longer becomes interesting? I understand the need to escape and to be entertained, but I also believe that we're being presented with some pretty low quality material this day and age. If my desire to be entertained compels me to give my attention and credibility to someone who openly mocks my faith and glorifies all kinds of reckless behavior without reaping any consequences--well, that's kind of a shame.

Thus I will sift through the entertainment industry and redefine my standards. Actually, I plan on getting healthy again soon so the TV will hopefully once again take a backseat in my life. But here's my first TV winner.

The Biggest Loser: I normally hate reality shows but this one seems to have the right focus and motives behind it. There's a lot of strategy type stuff to create drama, but overall the show makes heroes out of overweight people trying to become healthier for themselves and their families. I'm always so moved to see their responses when they lose weight because it's a genuine reaction to genuine hard work. So if my opinion means anything to you then this one is worth watching!

Transitions

Life is pretty fluid. If I've learned anything during 24 years of life it's that nothing stays the same. I've also learned that there are different kinds of change. Physical, emotional, and spiritual development. The usual life stages of graduation, new jobs, marriage and family. Sometimes location and relationships depending on whether a person settles in one place or decides to periodically uproot themselves. It's amazing how quickly the body and mind adapt to change--better than we'd like to believe. People move and find new friends. People fall in love after 'broken' hearts. Etc. So yes, change is normal and good, but the truth is some changes are harder than others.

At my debriefing conference last week we looked at a scale for stress indicators. Studies have determined that people who move to a culture entirely different from their own lead a dangerously high stress life. Sometimes coming back from a foreign place after a long time can produce an equally (if not higher) level of stress. I think this is largely due to the degree of change involved. You aren't just starting a new job and making new friends--you're doing it somewhere where you don't know the language or the culture and everyone looks different from you. But you go to great lengths to adapt...and then you leave. It's hard. No matter what it may look like I certainly did not go on vacation for two years.

Debriefing was a good time to be with people who understand all of this. I can't expect anyone at home(except Jared) to really understand even if they want to. So I'm doing my best to quietly grieve the loss of a country I love, friends who became family, and a job that I found a lot of meaning and purpose in. There's no need for the innocent people of Richland to be subjected to my emotional break downs.

I started working for my family's lighting business. I like to jokingly tell people that I'm bringing a new light to the world. I work in the accounting department and also help answer the phones. It's a good job and the people I work with are really fun. It's nice to have some structure, but I have to admit that it's hard to go from such a relational job to being just a voice on the phone to someone who thinks I'm an idiot even though I have a college degree and probably speak more languages than they do. Time really is money. No one cares about sharpening their interpersonal skills or speaking someone else's love language, and sadly it's not my job to teach them that. Sadly I really am just a voice that gives them what they want even if they're incredibly rude because we don't care about their manners. We want their money. For the record I firmly believe rudeness should be punished, but as a new employee I will do as I'm told. Until I'm promoted (which will never happen) let me say that receptionists are people too. Smart people. And we're busy. Your call is one of a billion we get everyday. So be nice.

Time has become a new factor for me as well. Working eight hours gives me much less time to keep up with friends and do things I enjoy. I have to fight for that time. Jared and I try to be active. We go hiking on weekends and play frisbee and basketball whenever we can. We're also looking for the best way to be involved in church. Our favorite thing, however, is just to talk to each other and to my family. I guess we still haven't gotten over how great it is to be face to face! I'm trying to find new hobbies to keep me far away from the 'work all day and crash in front of the TV' rut. A good friend of mine asked me to edit a book she wrote, and it's been really fun so far. The written word is possibly one of my favorite ethereal things and I'd love to write more myself. As time consuming as it is, I'm really thankful that my family is letting Jared and me work for them. We're excited for the opportunity to save even though most of my money is going towards gas and doctor bills. I guess some would say welcome to the real world. Well, no--more like welcome to life in a first world country full of indebted consumers with ginormous vehicles and high definition TV. America is a beautiful place but it's the polar opposite of most of the world.

So life is good and slowly coming together. It's busy and I'm functioning in it, but I don't think I've fully transitioned yet. And that's ok. I'm strangely comfortable feeling out of place. I miss India. I love it. I miss my friends. I love them too. But I also love the Midwest. I love my family. I love Jared. I love God. And all those things are right here.