Journal entry from last Christmas. I was working at a counseling center in the Himalayas at the time. It's nice for me to look back on the intense lessons I learned in India--thankfully I recorded most of them.

If you want to buy rat poison in India they will ask you what it's for. Stupid question but they have to ask. Why? Because many people buy it and then consume it to commit suicide. Pinky committed suicide. I don't know if she used rat poison, but she is dead. She is dead but her face has never been more alive in my mind.

I wish a lot of things. I wish I could speak Hindi better. And I could if I practiced more. I wish I was in better shape. And I would be if I worked out more. I wish I could play some kind of instrument. And maybe I will someday if I put forth the effort. I wish I could snowboard, sew, write compelling stories, speak to large audiences, go to Ivy League schools, help end poverty, and more. And who knows? If I tried hard enough maybe I could do all these things.

But deep down I don't really care about any of these things. Deep down all I want is to save people. And I can't. I never will.

It's the first week of January and many people are in the process of trying to improve some area of their lives. Most of them will quit in another week or two. Let us not forget who really gives life meaning. Let us not shrink back from pointing others to the one who really saves people.




I've actually had a lot of fun reflecting. Jared and I celebrated the new year and our one year anniversary in downtown St. Louis. One year ago Jared asked me on Skype to be his girlfriend. It didn't really change anything since we were on opposite sides of the world, but we were still excited. We've made it through some tough challenges and transitions and now we only have three months until we get married. I'm so happy to be where we are now, but I do think back fondly on our long distance relationship. Long e-mails, hiking to ISD booths when my power went out, cards and bbq sauce in the mail...pretty special stuff, indeed.

I'm headed to Riverside, California tomorrow to spend a week with none other than, Alicia Ann Divers. I can't wait! It was NINE degrees when I went to work the other day! I was so mad! Give me some sixty degree California sunshine :)