i, julie, take thee, jared...

there's a rather mercurial spring rain falling outside. it began as a refreshing shower, the kind where the sun still shines through the clouds, and is now hitting my window as though it was shot from the sky with an angry pellet gun. such is missouri weather. i wouldn't mind so much except i'm trying to write my wedding vows. jared and i assumed we'd just find some off the internet, but we should've known better. we're both way too particular about the words we say (especially when it's a vow!) to just copy and paste them. alas, we decided to write them. so here i am trying to concentrate and pretend that it doesn't sound like my house is about to blow away.

i did come across some interesting stuff while researching wedding vows. they have all different kinds now: christian traditional, interfaith, non-traditional, humorous, remarriage, etc. yes, vows can be tailor made to fit our individual needs and desires. isn't that great? maybe it would be if humans had it in themselves to keep these outrageous promises we make to one another. but we can't. we definitely and absolutely do not have the ability to sacrificially give ourselves to another person for a lifetime unless we draw strength from a higher source of love and grace. and i'm not talking about just divorce. i'm talking about everyday sacrifice, forgiveness, and selflessness--things that are unnatural to our carnal nature. maybe my assessment seems cynical, but these are the feelings that came out during my research, especially inspired by two groups.

the sappy and shallow vows-- i watched this video on Godtube (who knew there was such a thing) that looked like it came straight from a soap opera wedding. the guy actually told this girl she was his only hope. and she replied with a very touching proclamation that she didn't need to live in mansion, she just needed to live in his arms. i am a sentimental person but i was cracking up as i watched this couple worship each other. i understand people who are not christians using their weddings as a time to praise earthly love, but it bothers me when christians say things like that because it isn't what we believe. we believe that marriage is a gift of God, but our completeness and hope is in the Cross and relationship with Jesus. Another human being can be our beloved companion on this journey, but they can never be our salvation. so statements like (and i quote) 'i know i'm not perfect but we will be perfect together' belong in the soap operas but not in christian weddings. beyond all that, it just sounds stupid. i'm pretty sure when i have the flu and throw up everywhere jared isn't going to talk about living in my arms or how perfect i am while he's cleaning it up.

the lackadaisical vows-- i found a really interesting article about a trend where people are deciding to make their vows a little less 'permanent.' some people feel guilty saying till death do us part because they're just not sure their marriages will last. instead they're using statements like 'for as long as we continue to love each other' and 'for as long as our marriage shall serve the greater good.' i have less to say about this group than the last one. at least they're being more truthful, but i just don't understand why they even bother to write vows at all. a righteous man 'keeps his oath even when it hurts.' why would anyone want to make an unrighteous vow in front of God, family, and friends? heck, just have a barbeque, sign a piece of paper, and go live together.

well, i guess i have a better idea of what i don't want to write at the moment. actually i do know what i want to say, i'm just being overly picky about how to word it all. i should get back to it! thanks for listening to my rantings. i will leave you with something more positive. i recently spoke to my church about india and my friend starlia took a picture of me in my sari. i put it on all by myself and i'm so proud i have to post the picture. it made me really miss india!

march madness

i cannot BELIEVE i am blogging right now. i should be fast asleep preparing for a day of answering phones and entering purchase orders. but how can a girl sleep when her wedding is two and a half weeks away? besides, i was chastised recently for being a sorry excuse for a blogger. here's what i've discovered: america=bad blogging. there's just not time. time was abundant in asia. here it is a luxury.

last week we spent five days in east texas for my uncle's funeral. he came to know the Lord six years ago. he was a big man with a lot of energy, but his back started hurting and he got sick. in just a matter of days he was diagnosed with rare bone cancer and liver failure. the service was lovely and i'd started writing my own deep thoughts on death and dying but never got around to finishing it. i do think death is a celebration for those with eternal hope, but it has such a sobering effect on me. i stand with my feet on the ground and breathe the air a little more deeply. i stare intently at my fingers and think about how someone God has created, someone unlike anyone or anything else that has ever lived, no longer exists in this world as we know it. if it weren't for my faith in the cross and resurrection i wouldn't be able to handle such despairing reality.

we returned home just in time for my weekend excursion to st. louis with my three best childhood friends. i know it seems like a weird transition after talking about death, but it's the order of my life. we went to see a musical at the fabulous fox theatre--the wedding singer. i guess you could accuse me for having shallow taste in musicals but i loved it! the eighties clothes were so fun, and it was a great experience to share with my friends. christy, charity, and jessica, also took me to eat thai and indian food, which may not have been their preference but it's two of my favorite cuisines. what great friends!



jared and i had our church wedding shower on sunday. all i can say about that is that we have some pretty amazing and generous people in our church. we even got bikes! courtesy of aunt marsha.

and last but not least we now have an answer to the question that has been on my mind for quite a few months now. where are we moving?

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DC!!! jared got accepted into american university so that's where we're headed this fall. i've already started looking for jobs and will probably apply in may. i'm excited--to be honest i would love to move back overseas but hopefully this will be a time where we can develop more skills to help people.

this has been a pretty general post, but i have so many things to get done these coming weeks! i've already had three dreams about everything going wrong on our wedding day. i think barack obama's pastor was in one of them. also, i've been trying to clean out my room, but i always end up looking at pictures and reading old letters and crying. to top it off i went for my final dress fitting today and the seamstress made my dress a little too tight on the top. she very rudely asked me if i gained weight. i don't know about you other ladies out there but when i gain weight it all goes to my back. man, my back just gets so wide that i have to start wearing football jerseys. needless to say i pointed out that my weight was the same and she did the alterations wrong, but really, what a mean lady! at least when indians tell you that you're fat they smile at you with toothy grins. thank goodness for india. whenever i feel a little frazzled i think about india. and then i thank God for the many blessings He's given that i do not deserve.