it's been nearly ten months since i left india and certain changes in myself are just now becoming evident. i think so much of what we call 'change' is actually adaptation. for example i thought my two years overseas would forever change the way i grocery shopped, but the truth is i adapted rather quickly. after a couple of weeks i no longer felt overwhelmed in the cereal aisle and i re-learned how to use the microwave. change, however, lingers even after everything else has fallen into place. change is remembering how you used to feel about certain things and wonder why you no longer feel the same way.
we are moving to dc in less than two months. we've been actively looking for apartments. jared is registered for his fall classes and i am job searching. i've made some connections, i've put some applications in, and i'm continuing to look for opportunities that i will be a good fit for (and will hopefully pay our ginormous monthly rent). job searching is like fishing and job searching in dc while you live in missouri is like fishing on a really bad day. i have some options, but seriously doubt i will secure anything until we move up there, which is a tough but good thing for someone who likes to get things done as soon as possible. i need to learn patience.
my job search has shown me i have a much different view of myself than i used to. although i'm being as proactive as possible i can't help but feel a little bit of tension as i pour through job listings. i like to work hard and believe that i can do the things many of them require, but many of the descriptions are looking for someone who is 'top notch' or 'savvy' or 'sophisticated.' how can i sell myself as any of those things? it's hard to feel sophisticated when i spent two years shivering in yak wool and throwing up half my food because i had so many parasites. i could hardly call myself savvy after stumbling through broken hindi just to buy bread and vegetables in the market. and how can i possibly feel top notch after living among the world's absolute poor, sick, and dying--especially when so many of them offered me the best they had. the truth is that i have a much different set of eyes now than i did when i interned in dc in college. i guess it's better to not be overly ambitious or self-assured, but i do want to have the confidence i need to perform well in whatever position i have.
jared is much more laid back about the upcoming changes. he thinks that i put too much pressure on myself and he is probably right. i remember a quote i read during a devotional time in india that said, 'are you more comfortable in activity than you are in abiding.' this is definitely true of me and i have long since prayed that God will help me be a person of peace. a few days ago i was playing some hymns on the piano (i don't really play the piano but i can read music and i enjoy trying to play even though i'm not very good) and i was moved by the third verse of 'tis so sweet to trust in jesus.' so, for all you people out there who struggle to be peaceful i hope this verse will speak to you the way it does to me.
tis so sweet to trust in jesus
just from sin and self to cease
just from jesus simply taking
life and rest and joy and peace
amen to that! i don't know when i'll blog again but before i bring this one to an end i want to share my favorite wedding picture with you.
